TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[sailmods]

1. but times have changed for sailors these days

[you wake up.

it doesn't matter where you were before. going to bed? dying? opening the door to face a great evil? same result. you wake up in a soft bed with starched sheets in a cool, darkened room, sunlight peeking out from behind thick curtains. maybe you're alone; maybe you aren't. maybe you immediately notice the folded paper on the bedside table near your head. if you don't, you better fix that real quick: you won't be able to even open the door before you read it.

the note itself is written in a neat hand on white card stock; there is a stylized logo of a ship with the words SERENA ETERNA printed underneath. the note reads as follows:

Dear Passenger(s),

As your cruise director, it is my great honor to welcome you aboard the Serena Eterna, your destination for fun and adventure! We know you could have chosen any cruise line for your vacation, and we're very grateful you chose ours! On behalf of the Captain, I would like to assure each and every passenger that will we do whatever it takes to fulfill all your needs and desires during your journey with us.

At your earliest possible convenience, please attend the mandatory lifeboat drill by the end of the day. I'm sure everyone is very eager to get started on all the fun and sun, but safety always comes first! You can find your life jacket in your cabin's closet; carry it to your assigned muster station on deck one, where I will take you through the drill. If you can't find me in the crowd, just look for the gal with the winning smile!

See You Real Soon!

Sincerely,
Gal Friday

you walk to deck one. you have no other choice: every time you try to step in a direction some unseen being considers "not towards deck one," you find your legs no longer move, staying stock still, frozen. whether compelled quickly by curiosity, or delayed by pure stubbornness, the result is the same, and you are left milling around with other similarly curious or stubborn people.

you see someone in uniform near the front of the crowd. she seems to be a gal, but is missing the winning smile, along with most of her other features. she seems to see you, though, rushing to your side and placing a lei around your neck with great formality. a voice, cheery but artificial, sees to come from nowhere and everywhere.]

Welcome aboard! I'm so happy you could join us!

[you touch the lei. rooster feathers, lotus seeds, and a carved circle of something white and hard, linked onto a silk string.

after the drill is completed, you are seemingly free to go. or, well, your legs work, now. and maybe that's as good as it's gonna get.]

2. tried to amend my carnivorous habit

[the space inside John's where the piano normally sits is mysteriously vacant today. as a matter of fact, the entire piano bar is silent, without so much as a muzak-inspired interpretation of Uptown Girl to hum along to.

the piano itself seems to have disappeared... for the most part. unlucky, unsuspecting passengers who enter the cabin hallway, step out onto the lower decks, or find themselves in one of the other narrow corridors of the ship, may find themselves suddenly facing down a silent, unmoving grand piano. it takes up too much space to squeeze by comfortably...

and then, the cover lifts, exposing what looks to be... teeth?

yeah. yeah, those are its teeth. and it's coming right for you.]

3. that American creation on which I feed

[it had been a difficult October for bahamanuel, the bahamanal. its territory had changed utterly, becoming alien and strange. new predators were encroaching on its hunting grounds. its position in the natural order is under threat. and so, nature finds a way.

the old timers know to be wary of large piles of clothes, but even they won’t think to look twice at the tiny lumps of garish kids’ swimsuits and sundresses - until they feel something latch onto their leg, and then several more things, and anywhere from ten to twenty balled up clothes piles try to take down their prey.

the young must learn how to hunt, after all.]

Comments

[redlightgreenlight]

Ah, finally, a little more confidence from the prey-coded man.

"What about garlic? Silver? Beheading?"

She's truly curious, not at all trying to figure out how to kill the vampire should he ever show up.

[maximumcake]

"I would die if I wasn't allowed to make garlic bread in the house. And silver is fine. Good luck trying to behead one; that's your funeral." Yes, he has better sense than to give away the actual secret of how to kill his master, but she's not even close with any of these.

"Crosses just make him laugh, too, while we're at it."

[not_the_last]

"A handful every month or so. It seems to vary. Hey --" The last isn't sharp, but softer, gentler. "Come sit down. This way."

And she'll guide him down the deck a little ways, to where a couple of deck-chairs face out to sea.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I've beheaded an Archdemon, I think your master might be a bit easier than that."

She hums.

"Do Vampires even have souls? I've never met a real one, so I don't actually know."

Re: 2 - gym

[maximumcake]

Oh, Lieutenant. Sorry. [He bows his head apologetically.]

Yes. I've gotten bits and pieces. Enough. It's a lot to take in. I don't really want to believe it.

[He glances down at the weight he was just curling. It actually is a substantial amount but for some reason he looks slightly embarrassed about it.]

Thanks. It's part of my routine from home. I guess I just didn't know what else to do to fill all the time. You know?

[maximumcake]

Max squints at him, in his emaciated state. Worrying. Does this guy have some kind of health condition? That's really weird.

So is the fact that, yeah, he actually hasn't been able to find a single kitchen. That's been low-key (actually high-key) panicking him since he realized it.

"Doesn't go bad? How can it not? Cooked food can't keep forever. Not even in the freezer."

[maximumcake]

"Whoa." Okay, he does look impressed. He still thinks his master could take her, but he's impressed.

"I'm assuming they do. But it's not like I've ever asked him. Kinda rude question. But they aren't evil, you know."

[astrogator]

[He didn't try to tell her she was either too young or too short to be a spacer lieutenant, so he's already ahead of some people, mostly annoying stationers. She waves away the apology with a small smile.]

You weren't to know. Usually I'm in uniform, but not here. Take your time. With taking it in, I mean. It's a lot, for anyone.

[She understood about routine, although trying to carry on with hers hadn't exactly been successful.] You're doing the right thing in keeping busy. I thought I'd go mad with all the empty downtime when I first got here. Finding ways to fill it helps. What line of work were you in, back home?

[maximumcake]

"Okay..." Listlessly, he follows her to the chairs and sinks down on one. "Sorry. I've always been a little prone to fainting, but I'll be okay if I sit a minute."

[redlightgreenlight]

"Well, then I could definitely kill him."

"Not having a soul doesn't necessarily mean you are evil." The Captain doesn't seem to be, though the jury is still out on if he has a soul or not. "It just means you may lack certain qualities of a good person."

But the again even demons have souls. Max seems pretty loyal to his vampiric master, though whether that loyalty is real or trained, she can't tell.

[not_the_last]

"It's all right. You've had a terrible shock. Take a few moments."

She studies his downturned face, frowning internally in thought.

[theweakhavepurpose]

"The easy answer is magic." Which while true isn't the full story and he told César he wouldn't tell anyone in case he caused a panic and everyone started starving. "Don't question it too much, just eat when you're hungry."

He shrugs, easy enough right?

"Just get here? I'm Deputy Pratt." Said as if Deputy is his first name rather than a title.

[maximumcake]

[He motions down to the sweat shorts and tank top he's wearing while he says:] Yeah, these aren't my usual look either. I had to borrow them from that clothes store. Most of the time I'm in a suit because I work as a live-in butler.

[That's...partially true. Close enough to make the lie convincing.]

So, usually after all this I'd be going to see what my master wants and getting ready to do chores. I really don't know what to do with myself now. Do...you need help with anything?

[maximumcake]

"But you wouldn't have any reason to kill him..." Max is getting worked up just talking about hypothetically killing his master, not least of all because his own death would swiftly follow.

"It doesn't matter. He's...not here." His emotions just from saying that are a knot of grief tangled in more relief and a lot of fear.

His hand slips to the back of his neck, to scratch nervously at an old scar. It always itches when he's upset. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."

[maximumcake]

He does as she says, taking a quiet moment just to breathe slowly in and out until that queasy feeling starts to subside and his head doesn't feel so light.

"I'm doing better now. I'll be okay. You don't have to...babysit me all day."

[maximumcake]

"Magic? Just...magic?" That isn't exactly the most satisfying answer, but he can't really think of an argument to counter it. A lot of this doesn't make any sense unless it's magic. As long as he doesn't magically get food poisoning.

"Yeah. It's been, like, a couple days? My name is Max Maximum."

[uncodlyawwesome]

"Howw am I supposed to knoww?" What is he, Nobunaga's keeper?! "He's a crazy human, just like the rest'a them. He read the same notebook I did, okay, I dunno howw he got that the game isn't to kill the guy in charge."

Actually, he does, but, "I mean, there's a wwhole big wwarnin' in there that killin' the Captain wwould destroy all'a us, so I guess that means it isn't necessary to wwin. My guess is wwe're all just too loww levvel."

Not that he's seen a single experience point since coming here...

[not_the_last]

"If you don't mind humoring me?" She makes her smile apologetic, hoping to get past his defenses by framing it as a favor he would be doing her. "I find I feel a little responsible. I'd like to at least be sure you're all right before I leave you alone."

[redlightgreenlight]

"Well." Changing the subject seems like a good idea, he's getting a little emotional. "You can build a life here. You can struggle against our aspiring god the Captain. You could make friends. You could learn a new hobby. The possibilities are endless."

[nepetaleijon]

"Then ... purrobably you're right, best to leave it alone. At least fur now!"

And so long as Eridan keeps thinking that, maybe he won't try it. She hopes.

[crushed_pearls]

"Whatever I am - actually, does it?" The line of thought makes Erin stop eating entirely, though the air about her expression is more 'literally never thought of this' than 'distressed'. "I mean, I could just have one of those metabolisms, but it's not out of the question that...bah! Bah I say, it's not like I could prove it one way or the other. In any event, Mister Maximum, I keep a very vigorous athletic schedule and I eat like it. If you ever have the pleasure of befriending a ballet dancer you may find their diet shockingly similar to mine."

This mystery not so much solved as completely discarded, Erin continues: "And to answer the question you very loudly did not ask, I'm mostly human. Mostly. Culinary school though...god, I really am feeling the lack of kitchens keenly now. I already wanted to see Bash run wild in one, an actual chef loose in one would be a sight to see."

[astrogator]

[Butler translates as an odd archaism to Ari, and she suspects the translation mechanism isn't doing him justice, because he looks far more like a personal bodyguard to her eyes. She accepts it, though. There will always be an opportunity to ask questions later.

Does she need help? Not with anything specific - but Ari Tayrey also knows exactly what it's like to go from working twelve-hour days where everything you do has a purpose to being here where nothing seems to matter. She'd done more than her fair share of pointless pacing up and down the deck.]

Actually, I could really use some help with a couple of things I'm working on. Do you know much about battle strategy, either on land or in space - or can you proofread? A lot of us also try to keep up a regular patrol of the ship, in case of any hazards, if that's preferable.

[skaikru]

Oh good, he picks up quick. It's honestly always a surprise when people came onto the ship with at least a tangential understanding of how this place might work, and invariably tugs on the strings of Clarke's curiosity about their home world. But for now she bites her tongue over her own dumb questions, and gives a half-committal nod.

"You've got the bare bones of it right. It's the Captain of the ship who makes most of the pocket realities. Bases them after books, keeps them around for hundreds of years, and has sent previous passengers to them long before us. There's been, uh —" Let her tally. "A desert. A sleep away camp in a forest. One tropical island he made, and one that we think was real?"

A pause on the ending inflection of a question. She affixes eyes to this newcomers face, just to see if any more of this information registers. "And when we leave, they sort of collapse behind us. Also the boat itself never stops there, we're essentially shoved through time and space."

[cacophonish]

He talks fancy, like Ren Faire fancy, with the thee's and thou's, and that's really cool.

"Oh, okay, right on, no worries," Jeff nods, even though he wants to ask what others might call him-- but then, it's probably just, like, nicknames and stuff. Nothing to worry about, like he said.

Jeff lets out a relieved exhale, "Thanks, uh, me too. I had, like, no backup plan if it didn't. Not exactly used to playing hero, you know?" There's a bit of self deprecation in his voice, but moving on! "Do you wanna go somewhere to sit and chill for a bit?"

[maximumcake]

"Okay," he answers meekly. He's caused her distress; he doesn't want to add to it! "I really will be okay. It's just that this... my schedule... it's all thrown off and I..." No. don't get worked up again. Deep breaths.

Despite the deep breaths, water is starting to leak from the corners of his eyes. "It's been a really long time since I was on my own."